Family Unit
by Queen of Crack Pairings
Summary: Levi thinks the Varia's just one big dysfunctional family. And really, how are they not? He can't help but want to kick Ryohei out of their little family, though. Perhaps it's just his motherly instincts kicking in? Mild Luss/Ryo


Lussuria was the teenage daughter.

That made Levi smirk as he vacuumed the same spot repeatedly. Yeah, Lussuria was the shrieking, preening, 'rebellious' teenage daughter. With the boyfriend that Levi didn't like.

The Thunder Varia narrowed his eyes as he looked out the window to see Lussuria and Ryohei talking (probably about something stupid like how to look after your boxing gloves) by the pool. They were too close, and Levi's hands twitched as he resisted the urge to whip out a ruler and scream about 'the thirty-centimetre rule'.

In the Varia's family unit, Levi was the mother. He'd taken up this position ever since his best friend had become infatuated with the stupid boxer kid. He cleaned, washed up, even cooked sometimes (when they weren't ordering in). And he tried to look after everyone. He knew that it wasn't manly or cool or anything, but hey; someone needed to do it.

Xanxus was the father, of course. He lead the Varia, he was the powerful one, he could keep them all in line. Seeing this, Levi had tried to tell his boss about how he should tell Lussuria to knock it off with that kid, but Xanxus thought it was 'funny'. Why it was funny, Levi still couldn't figure out.

So anyway...Squalo was the son, the son who looked up to his father way too much, who followed his father around constantly looking for approval.

Marmon was the greedy toddler who demanded everything and acted all sophisticated. It annoyed the hell out of Levi, but he put up with it. What else could he do?

And then there was the precocious one, the one who thought he could do anything and get away with it ('_I'm a prince_' Levi's foot, he was going to beat Bel to a pulp next time he heard that). He was the one who now followed Levi around somewhat (_haha, lacking attention so you come to the mother hen, huh?_), even though he stuck to the usual insults and disdain.

All in all, they were their own family unit, and Levi didn't want it to change at all (bar that annoying Sasagawa going back to Japan).

The thought made him smile, and he kept vacuuming the lounge room with a perk in his step. That is, until he noticed that Lussuria had tackled the stupid boxer to the ground and was mauling his face. And his mood darkened again because really, couldn't Lussuria conduct himself with a LITTLE more dignity? He was seething quietly (damnit he regretted taking up the 'mother' position now, he hated caring when Luss decided to molest the boxer). And he never even noticed Bel slink into the room.

Giggling to himself, Belphegor pulled out a heavy-looking photo album. Just seeing those two lovebirds out by the pool made him want the old days, where they were beating the Vongola heir and his 'family' into a bloody pulp. And when Lussuria was a lot less…Soft.

"Hey, I just dusted those."

Levi huffed as he snatched up the album (_should make him dust a whole room to appreciate how hard it is to keep everything so dust free_)_,_ before pausing as one of the photos caught his eye. "Look, have you ever noticed? Lussuria got a lot less…Bird-like."

"Yes Levi, and I got more hair. We've all changed. I mean, you got more tattoos and a different hairstyle, didn't you?" said the blond in a rare moment of calm tolerance (Levi didn't need his tolerance, it was Bel who was hard to handle!)_._ "I suppose the pervert hasn't fought a lot since he got that knee reconstruction (and since he got shot in the back)…So he's gotten fat." (_Oh yes, very nice way of putting it Bel, it's not like you've kept in top shape either because when was the last time YOU were in an all-out fight?_)

The deranged grin was back in place, and the prince shrugged as he wandered off. "I'm bored. And who said you could stop cleaning? My room needs a good vacuuming."

"Hmph…"

Grumbling beneath his breath (_at least he hadn't used the 'prince' spiel_)_,_ Levi clutched the photo album to his chest and stalked over to one of the many plush leather lounges. He sat down heavily and opened the album, eyebrows knitting together in confusion as he looked at how they all were ten years ago.

And then he laughed. The first picture in the album was one of them all pretending to throw darts at a dartboard with the young Vongola's face on it. And in the corner a lifesize Ryohei doll stood with a vacant grin, watching the festivities.

"Thank God Lussuria stopped sewing…" was all that Levi could say when he remembered how creepy that doll was (Leave the sewing to poor, put-upon Levi who should make you all darn your own bloody socks)...

Family units. Levi hated them. But he liked them too, when it came down to it.


End file.
